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05:59pm 25/04/2011
You would think a holiday weekend/monday would bring good weather *tongue in cheek*

So far since friday we have had tornado warnings, storm warnings (none of which stopped the block party *grins*) and now storms again and flash flooding and of course the internet/cable/netflix/electricity is going in and out just to add fun to it. However, that means since computer time is down to 10 min here and there when its up, and tv the same (which means who is gonna watch it?) means.. more housework should be done (not).. and reading (yes!).


okies thats all folks cuz I know if i dont post this soonish, its gonna not be posted :P
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Twighlights Dawn  
03:31pm 23/04/2011
Twilights Dawn

I really honestly liked it.. a lot.. it was more of a 'gentle' reading then previous black jewel books.

I know 'gentle reading' prolly sounds weird.. but yea, that is how i 'felt' it.

This is what I took from the book as a first reading and is prolly differnt from most others.. and when I reread it.. my opinions may changes :P

Winsol Gifts

I loved how the relationship between Lucivar and Deamon come out.. I love knowing they can share a woman jointly between them as 'mother'.. and it makes since how Lucivar can actually love woman, after the way he was treated so many many many years.. Tersa laid a foundation in him.. and though memories may have been pushed far back..his mind still felt the love..

I dunno.. it was just..

i just..

loved that part.. i really did..

Shades of Honor
Reaminds me of many things today.. how some people cannot 'accept' change.. how they stay 'stuck' in what they believe to be right, not seeing how THEIR right way stomps on other peoples freedom. Falonar believed iin a Eyrien way that in many ways was messed up.. wasnt even the 'old way' of honor.. but he could never accept that.. in some ways he was in my opinion as tainted as Dorthea was.. he deserved what he got in a way, but i felt.. cheated too.. because i wanted him to really UNDERSTAND he was wrong.. and i dont think he ever did.. but then again, if he understood.. then he wouldnt have been as bad as he had become.. AND.. i liked how it put lucivar in a paternal standing with jillian.. and how other females would understand.. with lucivar ruling over them.. they were safe..

It also showed some lines with Deamon.. how he would not cross lines that belonged to his brother.. but... he wasnt afraid of drawing new lines.. that involved him.. especially where 'his' people are iinvolved.. THAT kind of honor and loyalty is something Falonar never really 'understood'.

OK.. NOW I learned some things I did not understand befor, though I probably SHOULD have understood.. long lived races really do age/mature differently.. children remained children to adolesents for a 100 yrs or so.. wow huh?
I never 'understood' that.

And.. I never apreciated what it really meant for Saeton to be high lord of hell.. until this story.

Nor did I understand choices he had to make.. I think the 'dead' children would have broken me if I were there in reality.. yet somehow Sylvia and Seaton had the strenth to be what the children needed them to be in the end.. but ooooh the price..

And it showed how Sadiablo family took care of their own.. more so then other books showed.. Sylvia may have at one time been Seatons lover, and she was the queen of hallaway.. but in other situations no one would have gotten in the way of who got custody of her children.. but it was fitting that Deamon denied Sylvias father custodianship of her two boys.. and he and jaenelle oversaw the older boys growth into manhood and Tersa took in Mikal.. to be 'her boy' for reals..

I was also not stunned yet stunned.. by the power of Tersa.. I often now wonder.. just who is the most powerful.. Deamon... or Tersa?

and i think you know what i mean by 'powerful'.. it isnt often you read of Deamon being 'shaken' to the core of what he sees another do that is NOT jaenelle or his father.

The High Lord’s Daughter

Wow.. like Jaenelle yet.. unlike.. Surreal and Deamons relationship isnt at all the way that other reviewer who didnt like the book made it out to be.. not really..

It was a bitter.. sweet.. bitter again.. then sweet.. then gentle story.. and it brought the kindred back to life.. and i like it.. why? Cuz Jaenelle Satien.. if I understood the 'golden eyes' bit.. is a 'long lived' child.. she will live a few thousand years.. Jaenelle Angeline did not live long enough to really ground the kindred into society.. not all of the kindred.. Jaenelle Satien will live long enough to ground them firmly into society in many ways forcing all to change to fit everyone.

Jaenelle Satien is not a Queen (thank goodness).. so her loyalties/responsibilities will not be to many many many many people in a land she must rule and a circle.. instead she can devote her time to herself, her family.. her kindred.. and a life she chooses for herself.. not a path that the caste of Queen automatically chooses for one.

She has the time.. will.. patience.. and love.. to firmly ground landons, blood and kindred.. for more then a few generations.. in some ways.. she carries on what Jaenelle Angeline began.. Jaenelle Angeline cleansed a taint that needed clensed to help all begin anew.. but she didnt have the lifeline to carry it fully.. grounding all into a sense of change..

Jaenelle Satien will take up the mantle..

one question I do have.. if Jaenelle Satiens birth jewel is that of the Twilights Dawn

what is her final jewel going to be when she makes the offering as an adult?
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The smell of 'contentment'  
01:52pm 23/04/2011
Yes there is a smell for being content.. and that smell is fresh mown grass.

I sit here at my computer right beside an open window and I hear the sound of a lawn mower, it takes a few minutes but the wind is lightly blowing and there it is.. the sweet yet tangy smell of freshly mown grass.

It somehow instantly brings a sense of 'being content'. I have purchased scented things, oils.. incense.. those car scent danglies that all say 'fresh cut grass' or something along those lines and yet they never bring that content feeling nor is the smell exactly right.

I love spring, summer and part of the reason I love it so is because of the smell of cut grass. It is even more intense and wonderful when done on a day like today, breezy and still damp because it rained/sprinkled yesterday. If heaven does exist, this must be one of the smells that mingles gently through the air.

I am enjoying this weekend, a nice long weekend, I did not have work yday and I do not have work on Monday so it is long for me and I am goign to be the laziest person on earth.

I read somewhere (surfing the web and just clicking this and that and whatever) that someone in their 20's were in dispair because she did not know herself and was still looking for herself and I don't know.. maybe it is just my wierd way of thinking, but I wanted to tell her to look in the mirror and there she is! Found.

Although I may say comments here and there indicating otherwise, the simple truth is, there is no 'finding' yourself, there is no 'mystical universe trying to guide you in a direction'.

You are who you are, you are not always the exact same as you once were and two years down the road you may be on another path and you may even be 'like' a different person. No one is really guiding you on this other then yourself. You make your choices, you work on those choices and you move forward. Really you cannot move backwards because in life there is no backwards. You can move forward, for a spell you can even stay still though life will still move forwards. You may not grow on the inside thought wise.. but your body will go forward, you will still be one year older.. being one year wiser in a year though, is up to you!

I Find the scent of cut grass to be soothing, that is just me. Other people find associated to much with hayfever to enjoy the scent and so they close their windows and ignore it. It is not the universe guiding the scent away or to me, it is just who I am and what I like. I like the taste of chocolate, I love the taste of hot cocoa with black berry brandy in it.

I made a choice to work at a major publishing company a lil over five years ago. The universe did not guide me there. that job opening would have been there regardless. period. My ability on the phone is what made the job a full time position for me, not some universe or god or guardian angel. It was my own hard work.

And my choices in life will be choices based on what I feel my own needs are.

I have made a few decisions for my future. I may work five more years at this company (or maybe not, but no more then five I dont think.. though who knows, maybe the company will change enough to where I will want to be there longer, one doesn't know the companies future choices, so I am basing mine on what I know today). I will then quit, and get two part time jobs. JObs in areas I enjoy, love.

Or (and this is a biggie) within the next yr or two I will go to college and study clinical psychology. And then move on from there, I think my age is in my mind on this one, in a couple of years I will be 50. It could and would probably take 5-6 yrs of college and then I will be nearing 60... I don't know.. THIs is a big iff.

Now idealy what I DESIRE, is a job I can do from home on the computer. I would quit now and do that type of job if I could. All I would want is enough money to cover medical ins. and just enough to survive on till I can build myself up.

These are discisions/or future choices I am thinking/deciding on. ANd I know that the way companies go, and openings I see and grab are what is going to decide what I finally end up doing.

Things open up every day, but we do not always look every day for them, or we see them but because we havent really chosen to see it, we do not. It is always what we choose to do, steps we take.. risks we are willing ot jump into.. that guides us.

And we in ourselves then (if we are lucky) influence our family/children/friends as they influence us.

Life.. it is a never ending cycle.. and everyone experiences it. Everyone can find themselves if they but look in the mirror and pay attention to whats behind their eyes.

They will discover they are not lost after all.

The insecurities I had at 16 are changed a little bit, but the 'feelings' are still there at the age of almost 48. We never truely know what is around the corner and we never ever know exactly how we will be this time next year.

And isn't the mystery of it all, the fun part? Instead of constantly seeking who you are, just live and become the best you that you can be, because there is nothing to 'seek'. You will always be forever evolving, forever changing. That is how life should be.

Of course you can always look at it another way.. Doctor WHo once said 'what is life other then mother natures way of preserving meat'. (methinks thats the way he said it :P )

I think on MOnday When we go to the stores we will get some mixed greens because I am starving to death for some pot likkur gravy. I AM CRAVING it. Maybe we can mix some of the cooked greens with some mashed tators and chopped onions, roll it in panco and fry the potato cakes and put the pot likkur gravy over them. That gravy never lasts in this house, it goes fast fast fast and I have learned if you do not eat all your fair share of it, other people will and they will not say they are sorry!
mood: contentcontent
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A post to begin myself.  
12:37am 23/04/2011

Isn't life strange? When you are young.. you think everything is 'just the end'.. you are made an E on a test.. the teacher made you stand in a corner during recess... or.. worse.. you had to sit in math class being bored next to an open window on a nice warm spring day when all you wanted to do was run outside and play..

Now I am 47 years old.. June 8th I will be 48.. and am I looking forward to it? No.. yet.. the alternative would be death.. so yes too.. I am looking forward to it.. however.. we are so damn broke.. behind in everything.. celebrating it will not happen this year.

Last yr I nearly died of colon issues.. now I am alive.. and my uterus is so big I bleed to much. .however they found lumps on my breasts.. not big enough to be felt by hand.. that needs biopsied.. and if they are cancerous then we have to discuss chemo and other things.. plus the surgery to remove the uterus..

It is like.. am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? All in a yrs time..

I want time out.. yes.. you heard me.. TIME OUT.. I want a break.. even if the break is just a few months.. I want it.. and I want it NOW NOW NOW... OH YEA.. NOW.

*peers round hoping such a wish comes true this very second*

ahh damn.. guess not.

mood: angryangry
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April 2011  

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